Idiocy and I

I found myself staring at the blinking cursor bar in my status bar. Sitting at the computer today, I only feel a sense of urgency. The nagging feeling that I need to say something, anything, is scratching at my already sore throat. This won't fit into a status bar. Enter blog post. I began tapping keys randomly, hoping that fate might decide which word I begin my post with, and my third finger finds the letter "i." Like a game of charades, I start yelling out words that begin with "I."

"Iodine! Iota! Impromptu! Ionic! Idiot!"

And with that word, I pause. An idiot, I am. I. And so, this blog post began with "I." Ironically enough, it was my inner workings that are demanding an outlet today. A super unprofessional, self-serving, deprecating monologue that will inevitably emerge with my permission or not. When I think about it, there really isn't a choice to be made. Anything that I'm feeling will surely seep into every word I mutter today and fill it with a tainted taste. I am hateful today. Hateful that I am one more person spewing dissatisfaction and inadequacy for the whole wide world to see, and for me to be at today's mercy.

I'm here to remedy that.

In light of the ever-challenging journey to photographic self-discovery, I have to confront what I've been tearing myself apart about. And please don't laugh. I was in a "editing to reflect my style" funk. DON'T LAUGH.

A few months ago, I fell into a project I created myself, with one sole goal; to create one Photoshop action. One action that reflects what I want, what I am, what I feel, adjusting the mood of any photo to portray what stories I have to tell with the images I take. After a few weeks of agonizing, crying, being utterly intolerable and immature- I did it. I drew inspiration from some of my favorite artists. I combined classic technique with rough edges. I threw out beautiful colors. The end result was perfect to me. Excited to showcase what I was proud of, I showed a few people. It only took one or two viewers to respond with silence and a "hey, if that's what you prefer" to crush me. Gosh, I can be such a prat.

As I looked around the internet, desperate to cling onto the work of the successful, I dove into serious self-loathing. I started comparing success, work, business strategies, writing techniques, awards, and anything else I could make an excuse for and add to the list. Until I started to notice a pattern...

None of these people- not one- apologized for who they were. They didn't ask for permission, or seek approval. They did what they felt, and their dedicating passion showed. It shined. And then I realized...

It's not their art I admire... it's their attitude.

I was admiring how careless they were, and how people responded to it. Their honesty was being recognized. Those who followed them, genuinely wanted to. They genuinely anticipated their next album or blog post or sneak peek on bated breath; not unlike I do for so many others. Confidence is contagious, and we all want to be a part of it, if only silently and from a distance.

The weight of all this sudden knowledge crashed down on me and I felt like quite the Idiot, indeed. None of these people asked for recognition. None of them sought a large number of fans on their Facebook business page (as most of us are very guilty of... admit it.) They only asked one thing, even if they didn't expect it- and that was respect. They were themselves. No one could call them otherwise. No one could call them conformists or imposters.

They choose to relay quite possibly the most important and prominent of all messages: "Take me or leave me." And they really couldn't care less.

I can't believe it took me this long to own up to this; to accept it and to let it absorb into my spirit. Never again will I forget. Not for one iota of a second.

I like raw, gritty and sometimes ugly photos. If they show an ounce of truth or tell a bit of a story, it doesn't matter how they look. I respect pretty light. I respect bold colors. I just don't think they take precedence in what I ultimately strive for. I want real. And truth. I want scars and wrinkles and imperfection. If you look through my photos, you will be hard pressed to find what I long for. I love my photos, I'm not shunning my work. I'm shunning my attitude. I am ever evolving and so is my photography. I've got my compass pointed due North as I dive into the wedding industry, where there are endless stories to tell and truth to seek out.

"It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home."

When I asked Ashley about the possibility of designing some holiday card templates, I KNEW she'd do a fantastic job. I was so giddy about it. I had been thinking of attempting to design them on my own (which may have been possible, given a large enough supply of chocolate and caffeine) but I knew I should stick to photography and leave the technical creativity to a pro. Enter Ashley Hazen. She's an artist and graphic designer and I've loved every bit of creative work I've seen from her. She and her fiancee, Stephen, are getting married in a little under two weeks, and her wedding will be photographed by the incredible Clayton Austin; a photographer I greatly admire. I had the opportunity to sneak in some pre-wedding Christmas photos for them at their new home, and I was so ecstatic to get another chance to photograph these two again (as I had shot their Save-the-Date photos a few months back- link is below.) Ashley suggested the idea of gingerbread house building- and I liked the metaphor to their impending marriage and new home. Constructing a house out of sugar and gumdrops seemed a perfect preface. I cannot wait to see them make it official in 12 short days!

Such seasoned pros. No one should be able to do this so naturally!

 

To see Ashley and Stephen's sunrise engagement photos that I shot a few months ago, please visit here.

To see the holiday cards that Ashley designed for my holiday photo packages, visit here.

I'm wishing everyone a merciful Monday ;)

Laura & Adam: Key West Wedding

You know the old mantra about a monsoon on your wedding day? No? You don't? Me either. If there ever were though, and if it were true- I'd high tail it to India from June to September and seek out every wedding possible. Laura and Adam's very rainy wedding was, without a doubt, the most exciting and entertaining affair I've ever attended to date. I really cannot imagine having had more fun. It was held at the Southernmost Hotel in (usually very sunny) Key West, FL. It was my first time traveling to the Keys, but I know Laura's family has been traveling there for vacations since she was a child (and probably long before.) It's a place that holds great memories for her family and now her wedding can be added to the long list of hilarious stories they have to tell about their Key West adventures.

The ceremony site had been arranged in true tropical fashion- with tiki torches lining the rows of white chairs, under a palm or two, and beside the turquoise waters of the Florida keys.. Everyone waited on bated breath for the rain to subside, if only for just 20 minutes to have the ceremony, but it ended up doubling in strength. Ultimately, the staff at the Southernmost had to move the entire ceremony site into the already set-up white reception tent (insert applaud for such dedicated and hard-working staff, by the way- they were incredible.) Right as Laura's sister and maid of honor, Pamela was walking down the aisle, the altar frame blew over with a huge gust of wind and rain. In the photo (you'll know it when you see it,) I am being squashed by a potted palm on the left hand side. It was hilarious (and thank you to my lovely second shooter, Karlyn, for capturing it.) Laura kept her cool through it all and I stand in awe of her reserved humor. She laughed. The whole day. She was beautiful. She also makes me want to brush up on my "Dougie Fresh" dance. (Adam, I didn't get to see your "Dougie Fresh." I fully expect that to change in a week when I photograph your reception.)

Since they had a "destination wedding," Laura and Adam are having their official large reception next weekend in their hometown of Starke, FL so that all of their friends and family can celebrate with them. I love the idea. I'd give anything to be able to relive the first reception all over again. And relive it, I shall.

Laura and Adam- THANK YOU for allowing me to be a part of your wedding day as both a guest and your photographer. I doubt I know anyone more fun than you and your families and I'm so honored to have shared your wedding day (and weekend) with you.

The first dozen photos or so are from the cocktail hour the night prior to the wedding. I had fun watching the little cousins play with eachother.

Venue: Southernmost at the Beach
Hair: Bella Salon in Key West Florida
Makeup: Emily Jean Bryant
Flowers: Jennifer at Flowers by Gilda
Bride's gown: Maggie Sottero
Groom's suit: Calvin Klein