Seeking Truth in a New Year

In my entire ONE year of experience, I find January to be painfully slow for the wedding photography industry. I suppose it's a blessing. It's a nice lull of reflection on the year that has just passed us and the one that lies ahead.

I've finally approached the place in my career where I don't know immediately what is going on next week or the week after. The first "Oh my goodness, I'm really happy I looked at my calendar" moment came a few weeks ago. Then again a few days later. Then every day after. This is what I've been waiting for, isn't it?

Now that wedding season lies a few short months ahead of us, I've slipped into a sort of meditative state of preparedness. I'm running through lists in my head, collecting inspiration, and my subconscious fears have slipped into my dreams at night. I had THREE (yes, three) dreams last week alone that I forgot CF cards while shooting weddings. By the third dream, I knew better than to be fooled. "This is a dream. Let me guess. I forgot my CF cards. Or batteries. Or my lens bag. Nice try." I didn't wake up any less rattled but also, if anything, I woke up further reassured that I couldn't/wouldn't ever allow myself to forget something so vital to a job. I can't be sure, but I think it may be my subconscious saying "I've got your back."

'Preesh.

I love what I do. I love the passion I feel for it. I love the people I've met through it and because of it. I love the light it lit in me. However, there is still a long journey until I feel contentment in my career, that is, if such a thing even exists. There are so many things to learn and to see and to let go. There are things to sacrifice and habits to break. Even knowing this, I was still surprised when I made the decision to do something I've been suspecting I should have done a long time ago.

Commit.

My heart is fickle at times. I change my mind compulsively. I don't like staying in one place. I also don't think that it means that I don't care. It means that I care too much. I care too much to settle on something I don't feel a burning passion for. Since I began KLP 14 short months ago, only one thing has remained constant.  In the ever changing world that is photography and art, if something resonates with you, you feed it and harness it and keep it safe. It's so easy to feel like nothing is yours when it belongs to so many others.

But weddings are mine.

Weddings are a strange animal. They move quickly. There are no do-overs. The emotions run high. Still, there is love... and a story... multiple stories... fleeting moments and timeless treasure. It is someone's job to record it true to form- to get the surface beauty and the love that lies under a few layers. That job is mine. I want it. The only thing I love more than displaying noticeable beauty is to seek truth. The true beauty of a wedding day isn't just in the color palette, the dress, the flowers, the cake, the place settings... it's in looking underneath. It's in sensing what most people can't and finding a way to present it in the light for all to see. Weddings are in truth.

Weddings are mine.

Adam and his new father-in-law, seconds after the ceremony